I am a spokesman for a little known oppressed minority. We, the night people of America, demand our equal rights! The world of business and government is ruled by those ruthless tyrants who can’t wait to get up at the crack of dawn.
How did these people ever get this way? Perhaps growing up milking cows at four a.m. they never learned the pleasure of sleeping in late. They never stayed up at all-night coffeehouses discussing Kerouac. These people get up before dawn on their days off to go fishing. Their ancestors, the Puritans, burned late-sleeping people at he stake. Not only that but, they performed these executions at dawn to compound the misery.
There is no end to their sermonizing. "The early bird gets the worm!"
Go ahead early bird, rise at the crack of dawn and gather up all of the slimy, segmented invertebrates you can find. While you enjoy your rotting wormflesh breakfast I’m reaching for the snooze button.
They don’t hesitate to quote Ben Franklin. "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." Louis XIV got up early and they guillotined him. What’s so wise about that?
My friend is an avid early morning person. "Mick, wake up. come and
watch the beautiful sunrise." " I promise to watch the reruns at sunset, really I do. Just let me get crawl back into the sack!"
Protests will fall on deaf ears as our manager schedules an early morning meeting. The first thing they do is look for easy prey . They circle like vultures around a sorry looking victim. "There’s Late Night Joe!" "just recovering from an all-night party his bloodshot eyes are barely able to see the cup of coffee shaking in his hand. Lets pick on him. "What do you think, Joe? Can you describe in detail the operation of our new laser analysis modulation system?" They know full well that he is functionally brain-dead at this hour "What’s that, Joe can you say speak up?" The assault of early morning brain activity sends the poor boy into shock. "Oh lord, someone help him. He’s comatose and sliding off the chair!"
Late night people have a childhood hero, Yogi Bear. "He sleeps till noon but before its dark, he steals every picnic basket that's in Jellystone Park."
Now there was a bear who knew how to live!
It’s time that we, the oppressed night people, let the early-birds who
monopolize our lives hear our collective voice!
It is time to rise up against the shackles of this unjust oppression
.............but not before noon.